I never knew that to draw the veil was wrong or right,
I kissed the blank wailing wall to learn to trust and it
clashed with joy like staring into the sun with sight.
The pure moon lead me around, this time you will
feel it, dragging you down to the ground but I will
rise, phoenix like, and find you, death after death,
life after life, in continuity we will live, in rhythmic
time. Tell that to me while we are still alive. I do not
know what to do with your eyes and the far-
reaching thought and spontaneous forgetting and
then remembering that I exist but this is the message
of trial after trial, that even having love or lust to lose
is the dream of so many and I will not lose you yet.
I forget because this energy is mine and yours so we
cannot keep our secrets except here where we do not
even whisper desire, secrets not of sex but of the heart,
in our thoughts, our dreams, our prayer, our belief
and unbelief, the ticking clock in perpetual motion
says now, says then, says love, says nothing, sows
the seeds of distrust, even hate, says time flew like
a dove, tortured by it, we are dying of being alive,
too much to escape grandiosity in our desires, too
intensely to love each other for it, can’t you be
kinder, I will not lose you yet but, someday, I might?
It is only when I am alone that I can hide the nature of
my love, embracing the part of me that is not obsessive
enough, which is objective and too cold for words. I
hate you for seeing me trashed and failing, for not
realizing the value of my love after having seen your
vulnerabilities and mediocrities. I can love you for
accepting the balance that tick tocks despite fear or
empathy. I want to prey on your desires as I have
refined my own in secret, in secret, it is my secret
that I love you for being entirely without me.
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