Ambiguous Light: James Adamson

To the Glory of God
To Gwyneth with Love

We set a date me and her
It was winter but it was full of light like fuzzy soap bubbles hanging in the air
There was excitement and the pleasure of her company as I
Returned to my residence
There was a bite in the air
It was dark out at 4:30 in the evening
I was smiling and jogging on and off
At 35 or so I had only dated 2 women before her
As it all worked out I regretted our 3-month affair
There were some good things about it though
Another woman I dated elicited a distinct image in my mind
Of my heart kind of flowering and exploding in a soft way
I was talking with her on the phone and I told her I loved her
When I told her about it she laughed
So that relationship might have been 2 weeks at most or so
And there was a time on the highway in Oregon of clouds
So dark the day could have been night
But that didn’t seem right so I wondered if I were on an alien planet
The third mention of balls of light is only ambiguous in how it is attributed
Maybe it is a common thing, I don’t know
Whenever I close my eyes for a matter of a week or so I would see showers of balls of light
If it were a physical manifestation it would have been miraculous
But as it was it was only in my mind
To allay any kind of challenge that I don’t want this to be about I suppose
People dream of golden cities
A sunny day can draw attention to our loneliness like Christmas sometimes does
Perhaps having nowhere to go on a beautiful summer day is maybe
One of the most powerful things I have ever experienced
But I tried and walked through my neighbourhood several times alone
And maybe that effort is something I thank myself more than anything else
It led nowhere and it is something I prize simply because I did something
Difficult to affirm my life
There was no concept or cause or effect, I just did it
The way philosophy does not prove the sun will rise tomorrow but it always has