I unfold pinkcarbon copy andread the scrawl1. MDD resolved(severe major depression my prodromal phase)2. Perceptual alt. r/o psychosis(psychosis later ruled in)3. Cluster B traits(disproven later after leaving behind guilt and self-doubt)4. Migraines(still omnipresent)remnants of PX-2some souvenirmy lifeat seventeenone year laterthe pink sheetsimply readsSchizophrenia

Playing catch witha neurologistis where Ifind myselfafter 45 minutesof inquisitioneach longanswer followed byhead nods theresident feigningunderstanding whenhe could nevera life of neurolepticsone after anotherfor twelve years haveleft me herea reflex mallet poundsmy chesta quiet mutter ofclonus about myright tricepbradykinesic movementsand a full stridewith reduced arm swingsI feel failureunder this examinationquiet reassurancesfollow me outthe door

In Intro Psychologythere was a chairI was convincedbelonged to theHumanist Carl Rogersit was a friendly chairplasticorangecomfortingI turned itto face meas I sat inthe front rowlistening to theProfessor recitinghis powerpointsthe culmination ofmy delusionsmy first yearthere that dayI walked toHealth Sciencesstereotypically talkingto no one Iwas welcomedwith open armsto PsycHealthin the days thatfollowed was mybirthday

Isn’t it a pleasantand comforting feelingwhen you realizethat what youare currently experiencingis not novel and newnor another vestibular episodecreeping up on youbut only the familiargarden-variety psychosisyou always experiencecoming home to roostyou can quit hyperventilatingand just coast throughas your senses go ona journey of sightthat is just anotherday at the officeas you wonder how muchyou can … Continue reading Friendly Neighbourhood Psychosis: Spencer Elliot Carr

Light as a featherStiff as a boardLight as a featherStiff as a board Swallowing thehalf yellow pilla shot ofdopamine straight tothe brainthe opposite ofwhat I should needeach breakfast aLast Supperlucky lottery ofpotential psychosison the linebut for 3 blissfulhourssteadinesspain in myjoints subsidesthe tremoloends andI am stilland thenthe glass slippercomes offclock strikesmidnight andI wait forthe next dose

No matter how we livewe may never outliveour stereotype she told mecutting boneshatteringleaving me fallenbut not one of the fallenI did not know them wellthough well enough to knowthey were goneone of my kindnot statistic or numberso I attempt to outrun fateuntangle a prophecyoutlive my stereotypebut will I only be another society’s child?

Joint pain Tremor Akathisia Gait went the list as I stand in constant motion eye catching a movement disorder textbook along with Psychiatry Educator of the Year award photographs of grandchildren pinned to the corkboard he phones the pharmacy downstairs for one single dose of benztropine leaving as he calls his neurologist colleague hospitalesque pharmacy … Continue reading The Trial: Spencer Elliot Carr

I have an inner child she lives where my organs should be permanently 15 with long dark hair always at sea she thrashes in anger or flails for passing driftwood in an attempt at control when the sun comes out she lies on her back and soaks it in at times she simply drowns I … Continue reading The Rorschach in Me: Spencer Elliot Carr

My mind skips a beat Heart racing To catch up As many synapses in the brain As stars in the sky Poetic But damn difficult to Figure anything out Synaptosome Like constellations Schizophrenia The Milky Way Neurology a cosmos