To the Glory of God
To Gwyneth, with Love
It seems like such a small thing to not want a gift
It seems like such a small thing to be able to dance
And watch Elvis steal your moves
And be ridiculed
Everyone keeps examples of your failures
and all I wanted was to be able to decide my tears
And I defended myself by calling dance at the time of death a tasteless homage
All I wanted was to choose a gift
And control the value of my dance and tears
Dance pierces my heart
It stings to dance as if I were crying without tears
Or a river of tears with no courage
I can’t dance around my bed without seeing someone watch
Someone judge
I haven’t danced in decades
I haven’t felt that kind of contempt
A vast loneliness
Child that everyone saw
Moves that everyone took as their own
Maybe the most basic thing about anyone
The way they dance
The courage to dance
The courage to cry
Into the night, into the day
Ripped away like the smallest thing
Is all it ever is
Deeply I hated to love who I was
I called it what dance is love
If you stop your tears or your dance you grow away from
All you really are
If you reject a gift, a move or step might never exist
And you may never know
The song of your tears becomes silent
Trying to decide the day
You steal the light from your love
How can you jump from tomorrow?
Except by looking in the dark
And who knows about your heart
The only insult is your missing feet
And tears that seem wrong
With a pride that hurts those who see
A dance you can barely see
The only small thing is to be afraid of a river of tears
The water of life you try to assuage
A dance on logs becomes a comedy
Blood sweat and tears
A neighbourhood of broken noses
A movement through life of lonely roses
A child your mother holds to her, supposes
Everything of yours at night sedative doses
Parties at night without your poses
The rings on a tree are its moves
In a dance of the wind
The universe is nothing other than a dance
And I was going to say you never wanted it
I was never going to be part of it
I was going to forget what it means to be pointed at
I never knew I was the one trying to prevent your love and dance and tears
I thought I was in pain
But I was trying to be better than the next step
In your dance
I was trying to take away your river because of the blood
That needs the spirit
The spirit that needs the water and the blood
It seemed like such a small thing
Now I can’t believe it’s not
To cry a river is a small thing if you let it hurt
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