The wind whips, through the still bare trees,
and, I’m haunted, by a feeling of vague unease,
not still winter, but, not yet spring,
dark thoughts plague me, and, uncomfortable memories.
Here, stands the facts of my life,
unadorned, I am sad, I’m angry, I’m even bored;
with comparing what was for what it has the potential to be.
I guess, that’s why they call it ennui.
Naked as a star, against the ebony sky,
it’s hard to laugh, and even harder, to cry.
I can’t see the future, no foreshadowing,
aiming at nothing, I had any chance at being.
Looking at the world, through tinted windows,
I feel safe, in the shadows,
when gloom becomes alive, and mediate its own world.
I seem to vanish, then appear again, without any sense
of why, or when,
the tentacles of desire, hold me in their grip,
how I long, to emerge into the sun again,
crawling through, this half lit den.
The cold wraps itself around me,
how I long, to be in your company,
facing the bleak, turns of my mind,
wondering why, life must be so unkind,
even the best, it gives, can be taken away,
leaving you hurting, night and day.
These crevasses, that make up my psyche,
hide terrors, from the light,
I want to believe, that truths will set me free,
so, I fight the lies, that obscure the demons,
cringing, from the sight.
I feel so lost, and empty,
a pale reflection of myself,
realizing all that’s good,
can become a living Hell,
so here, I stand, subdued, looking back on tragedy,
trying to finally see, the harsh things, they did to me.
And, let go of the pain, that once threatened,
to drive me insane.
I want to believe in a better day,
and, to avoid throwing my life away.
I wrote a rhyme, about how I feel,
I once, stood strong, but I was brought to kneel,
my emotions, are a broken paradise,
first they drowned me, then brought me back to life.
If you see me out of sorts,
I’m battling an evil and grasping force,
in the dark, and in the know,
lucidity, comes and goes,
awakening a fear, of both the known, and unknown.
kaleidoscopeonline.ca 